got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
