As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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