Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
