All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
