I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
