Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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