You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
