if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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