i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
