i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize