I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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