I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize