I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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