i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
