mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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