Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
