I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
