They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize