My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
