I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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