If that was your dad, he is hot
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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