I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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