Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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