In the future we'll all be gay
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
