He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
