So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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