Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
