am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize