Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
