Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
