we have pet lesbian snakes
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
