I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
