he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
