So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
