Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
