we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
