dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
