dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
