things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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