I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
