she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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