dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
