she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
