my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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