I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
