I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
