Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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