Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The power of my boobs compel you
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