I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
please come you make the beer taste better
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
