this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
