There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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