I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
