Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
