I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
