i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
