No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
