I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
