I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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