I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize