She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
