The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
