dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
