The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize