how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
