areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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