I got chris browned last night
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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