Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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