I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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