Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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