I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
